


One step at a time

by yirisanqiuu



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Comforting, Fluff, Losing a limb, M/M, Open but happy ending, Prosthetic Limbs, Super vanilla sex, angst I guess?, dealing with pain, hurting, like it's there but barely, phantom limb - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-06 05:01:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13404003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yirisanqiuu/pseuds/yirisanqiuu
Summary: Keith’s pain is... is pain, in its most raw form. It is growls and screams, and the vision that turns white behind his eyelids, is the weak thrashing and sobs that cut through his head, through his heart. Keith’s pain is the blood on Shiro’s hands, so red, so bright that it almost looks fake, like they are on the set of a sci-fi movie, playing an action scene.But this is not a movie, this is the reality. The Earth is light years away and Keith is in the room next to the one Shiro and the other Paladins are in, fighting between life and death.





	One step at a time

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this whole, big mess is the result of [this AU](https://twitter.com/neko_heichou/status/948561942997848066) of mine on Twitter, so you can blame it for starting this all :)

There are many things Shiro wishes he had not lived through.

He wishes he had not experienced his grandpa’s death

                (He still remembers the stillness of his old body, the cold skin under fingers of a eight-year-old boy)

He wishes he had not given away his first kiss so easily

                (He was drunk, the girl was pretty. Sixteen is a stupid age)

He wishes the Kerberos mission had gone differently, he wishes he and the Holts had been able to run faster and avoid being captured from Zarkon.

They had not. But he lived through all of that.

But this, this- this is something Shiro does not know if he will live through. This is something that, for the first time, makes him wish he had not made it through the Gladiator ring, makes him wish the Kerberos mission had really failed for pilot error.

But he lived through that. And he is living through this as well.

Keith’s pain is... is pain, in its most raw form. It is growls and screams, and the vision that turns white behind his eyelids, is the weak thrashing and sobs that cut through his head, through his heart. Keith’s pain is the blood on Shiro’s hands, so red, so bright that it almost looks fake, like they are on the set of a sci-fi movie, playing an action scene.

But this is not a movie, this is the reality. The Earth is light years away and Keith is in the room next to the one Shiro and the other Paladins are in, fighting between life and death.

Shiro breathes hard and closes his hand in a fist, in a weak attempt to hide the blood. But there is more on his armour, in the joints of his prosthetic, on the floor where they had dragged Keith. Unconscious, with a deep wound to his head and a crushed leg.

Weakly, Shiro raises his head and looks at the other Paladins. Pidge is the one closest to him, arms hugging her legs and head laying on a knee; her eyes are red and puffy, but no tears come out, her shoulders shake every so often. Hunk next to her gazes into the void, with one hand he caresses Pidge’s hair, trying to give her as much comfort as she needs. As they all need. Lance is hunched forward with his head between his hands, palms against his eyes, but Shiro knows that he is crying as discreetly as possible. Allura next to him keeps her back straight, but her joint hands tremble in her lap. Coran is... somewhere, discussing with Kolivan about something Shiro is not eager to know, not with what rests of the Paladins in front of his eyes.

They all look exhausted, their faces pale and eyes distant, so fragile that a blow of wind would probably be enough to shatter them in pieces, and suddenly Shiro remembers that they were only kids of fifteen and seventeen years old when they got up there, on whose shoulders weighted the responsibility of saving the whole universe, a responsibility that had kept them connected for the past months, like the pieces of a weird puzzle.

But the puzzle had been broken more than once, and one piece was just so close to go missing forever.

«Why is it taking so long» Lance asks, voice muffled by his hands. He sits up straight and does not even try to hide the wet lines on his cheeks, his puffy eyes. «How many more vargas are they going to make us wait? They could’ve just... put him inside a healing pod, right? Why does it sound like they’re _slaughtering_ him?»

«Have you seen his... his _leg_ , Lance?» Pidge talks back, and the exhaustion makes her voice rougher, meaner than she wanted it to sound.«It looked like a tractor had run over it, how are they even gonna...»

«I saw his leg very well, since I was the one who carried him inside with Shiro, so thank you very much for reminding me of it» Lance mutters in a bitter voice, that only causes Pidge to shrink back in her place, shoulders curving forward. «I’m sorry» she whispers. No one answers.

Allura straightens her back even more and clears her voice, and never has she looked more stern, stronger in front of the Paladins. «Shiro» she calls, and the man tiredly raises his head. The princess is looking at him with a sweet expression, and her voice is soft and gentle. «Could you please tell us what happened to you two? It was supposed to be a peaceful meeting, there was a deal-»

«The deal has been clearly broken, Princess» Shiro interrupts her, and Allura flinches surprised. Shiro sighs and raises a hand to his face, trying to stay awake despite everything. Despite the wish to fall asleep and never wake up. «The... chief we had to negotiate with, he sold us to the Galra. They got inside just before we could sign the peace treaty, we were surrounded. You know how Keith is, he took out his knife and...»

«And the Galra attacked» Allura finishes for him. Shiro nods. «And the Galra attacked.

«We were at disadvantage, I tried to drag Keith away when I realised that we would have died otherwise, we managed to lock ourselves up in the hangar but...»

Shiro lowers his hands and closes it on his knee, fighting back the urge to throw up in that exact instant. «One of them was there. He was on us before we could notice, Keith knocked against some sort of machine and it fell on his leg. I had to cut it through with my arm to get him out of there, there was so much blood and he was so pale, I thought we wouldn’t make it in time and...»

«Woah woah, easy there buddy!»

Hunk is on him in a second, hand gently massaging his back and Shiro had not even noticed that he was hyperventilating, his breath coming quick and hard out of his mouth, his hands trembling and the urge to puke getting stronger as time passes.

«Is it just me or is he turning green», he hears Lance say, but he ignores it. His insides twirl another time and he feels the sour taste of bile in his mouth, someone half yells «Oh quiznak!» and a bin is pushed under his face as he empties the content of his stomach, eyes stinging.

«It’s okay buddy, it’s okay» he hears Hunk’s comforting voice, his hand still on Shiro’s back. «We all know Keith, don’t we? He’s a tough guy, once they’re done with him he’ll probably walk outside on his own legs and start arguing with Lance, right buddy?»

«Of course!» Lance exclaims, and a tired smile appears on his face. «I feel like he still hasn’t forgiven me for taking over Red, and I tell you this, she’s a jealous girl too! Never thought that cat would miss him so much.»

Shiro wipes his mouth and rests his elbows on his knees, taking deep breaths. Suddenly Pidge stands up and scoots closer to him, pressed against his side. Lance follows her example, and so does Allura, and Shiro finds himself wrapped in their warmth, arms gently laying on his back, a cheek against his shoulder, a hand on his thigh.

Pidge raises her head a little and «It will all work out», she says weakly, hoping. Shiro closes his eyes and hopes as well.

 

There is something comforting in sleep. In his dreams, Shiro never left Earth, there was no alien abduction and he did not disappear for a whole year. In his dreams Keith is not injured, his skin is warm and smooth under Shiro’s hands, his kisses are hot and his hands gentle.

In Shiro’s dreams there is no Voltron, and it is peaceful, so peaceful.

But then Shiro wakes up and  the white light hurts his eyes, the grogginess and the aftertaste of bile in his mouth reminding him of what happened. Voices reach his ears and his headache pulses uncomfortably, and Shiro squints.

«We did everything we could, Princess. I’m sorry» mutters a voice, and Shiro turns his head. Allura is talking with one of the people who took Keith in, and her face looks weary, pale as it has never been. Even from that distance he can see her hands shaking, Allura takes a pained breath and turns around, meeting Shiro’s eyes. As soon as she sees that he is awake her eyes go wide, but the pain does no go away. Instead it taints her soft smile, that barely tugs at her lips. «You woke up» she says.

Shiro nods slightly and with gentle motions moves Pidge’s head from his thigh, trying not to wake up Lance and Hunk. The room moves around him for a few seconds when he stands up and he has to hold the couch to stay on his feet, but apart from that he feels confident enough to not sit down again.

«Keith?» he asks, raising his head. The faint smile vanishes from Allura’s lips and her eyes turn dark, fragile. The alien next to her clears his voice and Shiro turns his head towards him.

«We were able to treat the wound on his head, it did not damage any organs» the alien - _doctor?_ \- says, and Shiro feels relief flood inside him, warming him up. But then the doctor sighs and everything turns black again, worry suffocating him, death above his head. «His left leg was completely crushed, the bones had broken through the skin in various points. There was nothing we could do to fix it, we had to amputate it.»

Darkness. It swallows Shiro whole and he is falling, deep, deeper into the void, blood

                (Keith’s blood)

painting his body red, squeezing his lungs and making it difficult to breathe. Shiro feels like he might hyperventilate again and closes his eyes, ignores Allura’s worried voice that calls his name, _Shiro, are you feeling sick, please answer me_.

Shiro opens his eyes and the first thing he notices is that the doctor belongs to the same species as Slav, and for a second, a _wonderful, painless second_ , he thinks about hitting him, hitting until the blood on his hands is not Keith’s, hitting until his body feels numb and all sensation is gone.

«Can I see him?» he manages to ask between choked breaths, and the doctor nods. «He is still on medications, and he probably does not want to talk right now. You shall shower first, you are still...»

He leaves the sentence hanging, but Shiro does not need him to finish to know how he looks. Broken. Tired beyond every expectation. Empty.

He cannot imagine how Keith is feeling.

Shiro mutters a «Thank you» and reserves only a quick look to Allura and an even quicker one to the sleeping Paladins, and then he steps out of the room. The air is less stagnant there, clearer, it makes Shiro feel slightly better. He takes deep breaths and walks away, as fast as his legs can manage, he sends Coran and Kolivan a quick glance when he sees them but they don’t seem to acknowledge him.

When he reaches his room it almost feel like a miracle, he closes the door behind his back and leans against it, the cold surface giving some relief to his skin. He feels feverish, weak. He just wants to sleep but Keith- _Keith_ is more important.

Keith, whose red jacket is on Shiro’s bed, whose blade is somewhere in the cockpit of the Black Lion, forgotten in the rush. Keith, who is now alone, hurting and fragile and _Shiro is not by his side_.

The thought is enough to get him moving, and he quickly strips of the armour. He leaves it on the floor, uncaring for once, and walks towards the bathroom, he opens the faucet and walks under the stream of water without waiting for it to get warm.

The cold water dissipates the fog in his head, all emotions flood away together with the blood, disappearing from Shiro’s sight. Away from the eyes, away from the heart, his grandma used to say when he was little.

Grandma was a liar.

Pain is pain, it is invisible, abstract. It will never go away. Pain is what killed his grandma after grandpa’s death, pain is what kept Shiro alive during his days as the Champion, pain is what he saw on Keith's pale face when they brought him away to take care of him.

Shiro is tired of pain.

With heavy thoughts daunting him he walks out of the shower and wears some clean clothes. After a moment of indecision he takes Keith’s jacket with him, brings it to his nose for a few seconds, and Keith’s smell is there, lingering, calming.

When he walks back to the “waiting room”, the Paladins are still asleep, but the doctor is gone and Allura is sitting on the free couch, fiddling with her fingers and her eyes lost somewhere distant. When she hears his steps approaching she raises her head and turns toward the room behind her. «Keith woke up» she whispers, and Shiro moves closer. «I tried to talk to him but he yelled at me. He looked...»

She does not finish the sentence.

Shiro squeezes her shoulder and hoped that the smile on his face is not a completely wrecked mask. «You should rest» he tells her, but Allura shakes her head. «There’ so much to do, meetings, the failed alliance, the Blades...»

«Coran can take care of it for a day, he’s already talking with Kolivan. You need rest, Princess. We all do.»

Allura hesitates, Shiro can see in her eyes that she wants to protest. But she is too tired, and this day has already been so long. «If anything happens, call us immediately» she makes him promise. And Shiro promises.

The doctor is in the room, checking some panels that remind Shiro of the machines he had seen at the hospital when he had visited his grandpa. His attention is fast moved to the bed, and Keith resting in the middle of it.

He looks too small in that bed, the mattress and sheets devouring his body. The white of the blankets looks too bright next to Keith’s black hair, his skin grey and sweaty. Shiro moves closer and ignores the obvious void in the lower part of the bed, ignores the space where there should be Keith’s left leg and instead focuses his attention on Keith’s face, on his barely open eyes that try to follow his movements, lips sealed together in a thin, pale line. Shiro seats on the mattress close to Keith's hip and with gentle fingers moves the sweaty bangs from his forehead, feeling the skin hot and burning.

«He should be okay for a while» the doctor speaks, and Shiro raises his head. The alien murmurs something in his mother tongue and then turns, walking to the door. «I shall leave you now. If his fever goes up or if anything happens, please call me immediately.»

«Thank you» Shiro says, and the doctor walks outside.

Keith makes a small sound and Shiro’s attention is on him, fingers brushing against his cheek in a sweet caress. «It’s okay now, you’re safe. You’re okay» he whispers, and the lie weights unpleasantly on his tongue, leaving a sour taste behind once he talks.

Keith squeezes his eyes and mutters something that sounds like Shiro’s name, he tries to move but he is too weak, his body refusing to respond. Shiro shushes him and presses his mouth to Keith’s forehead, lips lingering there for a second. «It’s okay, I’m here. I’m right here, Keith.»

«M... l...g...», Keith manages to wheeze, and his left hand tries to reach down, down until his fingers find the point where the blanket falls on empty space.

Shiro witnesses the instant in which Keith’s world crumbles around him, sucked inside a wormhole of darkness and despair, hears the muffled whimpers that try to leave his mouth between ragged and broken breaths, sees the way his fingers try to find something that is not there anymore.

_Gone gone gone the leg is gone there’s nothing there it’s missing why is it missing how could it happen why did it happen what happened to my leg why is it gone why why why..._

A broken sob breaks through Keith’s lips and his eyes close, fingers trying to grab the sheets, trying to reach his face to hide his pain. Shiro holds his hand tight and gently covers Keith’s eyes with the other hand, allowing him to break down hidden from everyone’s eyes.

But it is useless. Keith is too exhausted to cry, and voiceless sobs shake his chest, bringing him one step closer to the edge of madness.

 

The body dies a slow death, dragging itself until it is nothing but ashes and dust, when it is too late to grieve and mourn. The body dies when it is at its end, and living has become too painful, too tiresome, or maybe you can be lucky - _unlucky?-_  and die young, burying all your missed chances and regrets.

But the soul, that dies a fast death.Shredding in pieces by the cold and ungrateful hands of Fate, played with and disrespected.

Shiro has witnessed the moment Keith’s soul has died, all of his fighting spirit leaving his eyes and darkness hovering over him, over his purple irises.

He wishes he could bring it back to life. Wishes he owned the Elixir of life to have Keith - _his Keith_ \- back.

But this, as unreal as it is, is not a movie, and what is dead remains dead.

Keith cannot move, and Shiro will not leave his side unless it is a life or death thing, meaning a Galra attack. But for once - _for once-_ everything is quiet, still. And so Shiro starts counting the days.

It is day five when they took Keith off his medications, because apparently Altean medicine is too strong for the human body, even if that body is half Galra; it is day seven when Keith’s fever finally goes down, his skin still pale and grey, but cooler, less sweaty. It is day nine when the nightmares and deliria stop making him wake up at every our and it is day eleven when the Paladins finally find the strength to come visit him. While Keith sleeps, though, because they all know that he will not allow anyone but Shiro to see him in those conditions while being conscious.

Pidge never talks; she just sits on the chair Allura brought inside on day 2 and curls on herself, arms hugging her legs and glasses resting crooked on the bridge of her nose. Sometimes she moves the chair closer to the bed and absently traces lines and drawings on the back of Keith’s hands, a soft expression on her face. Other times she just sighs and stands, taps her foot on the floor and walks outside without a word.

Lance is quiet. Well, not quiet _quiet._ But quiet _er_. He sits down on the same chair Pidge used and talks about everything that passes through his mind, trying to keep Keith in track even though he is asleep, and sometimes tries to crack a joke. Then he suddenly goes serious and sighs, and his whole face turns dark and _lost_ when he turns to Shiro and asks «Is he really gonna be okay?»

Shiro does not answer. He cannot.

Hunk’s visits are the fastest ones. He just comes inside with a tray of food for both of them and then leaves with the empty one that is on the bedside table- barely untouched two times out of three. Lance asked him why he never stays, to which he had shrugged and said «What good am I gonna do staying there, man? He’s alive, I’m not gonna sit and mourn when I can do something to make sure he’s healthy.»

The visits from the two youngest Paladins had become less frequent after that, but more affectionate, more positive. Pidge talked about the new Altean vocabulary she had learnt or about the project she, Hunk and Matt were working on. Lance talked about the people they had helped that day, and about the constellations he had recognised last night. Shiro would have never guessed that Lance loved stars. But again, he thinks after a moment, they all did attend the Garrison. Loving stars was a part of the job there. That is where the strings started to connect.

It is day twenty when Keith is able to keep his eyes open for more than an hour, and starts talking again. His voice is hoarse and low, more often than not he loses track of his thoughts and fiddles with the sheets, his expression dark. Shiro sees him fight to keep a calm attitude, try to talk about stupid things just to keep his mind occupied. But they do not talk about the weather, they are not that desperate.

It is day twenty-five when they move Keith back to his room and Shiro feels comfortable enough to leave him alone while awake and go take a shower, because according to Pidge the Galra could have tracked them down just by following the _smell_.

But when he comes back, Keith is not alone. He is sitting as straight as he can on the bed, hands gripping the blanket with his knuckles white for the strength, face distorted in an angry expression. Kolivan stands in front of him, chin high and hands resting by his sides.

«Say that again, Kolivan» Keith spits, voice trembling. Kolivan looks down at him with a neutral face, and holds a dagger between his fingers- _Keith’s dagger_.

«We’re removing you from the Blades of Marmora» he says, and lowers his hand. «You are in no condition to fight at the moment, so we decided that-»

«So you decided that throwing me out like... like some kind of _dog_ was the right thing to do, didn’t you?»

Keith’s voice raises by an octave, his tone becoming more desperate, angrier. He leans forward and Shiro sees the way his back hunches, and he looks so _fragile_ , so _breakable_.

Kolivan mutters something that sounds like “dog” under his breath, but manages to keep his coolness. «You know it’s not that simple, Keith. It should be easy to understand.»

«Then explain it to me again, because it seems obvious that I’m not clever enough to get it.»

Keith tries to move on the bed but his leg does not allow him to move as freely as he wishes, and he just ends up dragging himself, pulling at the sheets that pool around his waist. «I can still be useful. I- I know the formations, I can talk with the people of the planets we free from the Galra; I can-»

« _Keith_. Know your place. The game we’re playing is far more important than the pride of a single soldier» Kolivan calls, and Keith shuts up immediately. The rebel’s voice is hard and does not allow replies when he talks, and Shiro is sure that it is not the first time he talks like that to Keith.

He watches helplessly as Keith’s eyes fill with unshed tears, too prideful to let them out, yet too ashamed to keep them in. His hands fist the bed sheets so hard that Shiro fears he might tear them, Keith fights to keep his composure but the thoughts running through his head are clear.

 _You are no diplomat, you aren’t able to keep your cool when there’s a discussion. You are a fighter. A_ soldier. _The only language that you know is the one you speak with your weapons._

 _You had one job to do. You couldn’t keep your position as the Red Paladin nor as the leader of Voltron, and now that you had found a place you could call_ home _you ruined it. You brought this on yourself with your own hands._

_You are useless without your blade, you are useless without a leg._

_You can’t save the Universe and you’ve lost your possibility to try_.

«“Knowledge or death”» Keith murmurs, and raises his head to look right into Kolivan’s eyes with his wet ones. «Isn’t that the Blades’ code? I didn’t find knowledge nor death. What remains to me now that you’re kicking me out?»

Kolivan sighs, and hands him the dagger. Keith does not take it, and the rebel leaves it on the mattress by his hand. «You’re still breathing» he says, and turns away walking to the door. «Hold on to that, and one day we’ll be victorious.»

«It won’t be a victory to call mine» Keith spits, and Kolivan stops.«Accept your body and the way it has changed, Keith» he murmurs, and the door opens in front of him. «It’ll be your first step towards your recovery.»

The leader of the Blades walks out of the room, and Shiro feels the silence weighting on his chest, an unpleasant squeeze around his throat.

Keith’s head hangs low, his shoulders trembling and teeth sinking on his lower lip. Shiro takes a couple steps forward and looks at him with an uncertain expression, hands raised as if he was approaching a scared animal.«Keith...»

«Shut up» Keith interrupts him, voice hoarse and low, and Shiro obeys. The ex-Red Paladin lays down and turns his back on him, face sunk in the pillow.

Shiro knows the code; he turns off the lights and lays down next to Keith, chest against his back and arm around his waist. Keith grips his hand hard and lets his shoulders shake.

 

Shiro wakes up in the middle of the night at the noise of something shattering and hitting the ground. It takes him a  few seconds to realize that the mattress next to him is empty, and a few more seconds to realize that the _something_ on the ground of the bathroom is Keith, panting and with tiny pieces of what looks like glass under him.

«K-Keith!»

Shiro jumps out of bed and his vision turns black for a second, just the time to get his balance back and he is running towards Keith, kneeling next to him. He quickly glances at the glass on the ground and realizes that it is the mirror in shatters, and when he sees _blood_ on Keith’s palms and pants he feels his breath stop.

«What happened Keith, how did you even end up here...»he whispers, and reaches for Keith’s arm just to have his hands shoved aside, his purple eyes burning. «Don’t. Touch me» he hisses, and tries to drag himself away from Shiro, the pieces of the mirror digging deep into the palms of his hands.

«You’re injured. Your hands...» Shiro mutters, and Keith laughs. He _laughs_ , a high pitched and ugly sound, that Shiro has never heard before. It is a sound that has blood freeze in his veins, and hair standing over his skin.

«My _hands_ are injured!» Keith howls, and his face is the face of a delirious man, eyes big and pupils devouring the purple of his irises. «I’m missing a leg but _my hands are injured_. How ironic, isn’t it? Everyone in this fucking castle acts like I’m... dead or something, but then something so trivial happens and _oh_ , the leg is forgotten.»

«You’re delirious» Shiro tries to reason, and tries to move closer but Keith holds a piece of the mirror bigger than the others, his sides sharp and digging into his palm.«I told you to leave me alone!» he screams, and Shiro knows that other people will hear, other people will ask, _why was Keith screaming, is he okay, has he lost his head?_

He does not want that to happen.

«I just want to help you» he says slowly, sitting at the entry of the bathroom with his legs crossed. Keith looks at him indignantly and his nostrils flare with repressed desperation. «How? How can you help me? Can you give me my leg back?» he asks, and his voice breaks. «Can you convince Kolivan to accept me back into the Blades? Can you make me stop being so fucking _useless_ all the time?»

Shiro does not talk, and Keith breaks slowly in front of him. The soul dies a fast death, but Keith's body is being destroyed almost as quickly, in a weak attempt at self-destruction that shreds him into tiny, tiny pieces, until there are too many to put back together.

Keith’s hands lose strength and the shard of glass falls, they scramble across the floor, dirtying it with blood and scattering the glass everywhere, and a sob escapes his parted lips. «I did what Kolivan told me to. I _looked into the fucking mirror_ and looked at my body, at my fucking leg that _is not where it’s supposed to be_ even though it feels like it is and it just...»

His voice cracks and Shiro watches helpless as Keith slams a bloodied fist down onto the ground, in the empty space left by his missing leg. «It hurts» he hisses through choked sobs, and punches the ground once again. «It hurts so fucking much and there’s nothing there where it hurts. There’s _nothing._ »

Ah, Shiro knows this sensation. He knows the flashes of white pain behind his eyes when he tries to sleep, he knows the sudden burning and the feeling of something twisting and breaking- something that is not there anymore. He remembers the first nights, waking up between fever-inducted nightmares with his whole body covered in cold sweat and the pain running down his missing arm, the fingers twitching, the skin prickling, he remembers reaching with his hand and grabbing air.

Shiro knows better than anyone in there, and Keith knows that he knows, and lets Shiro watch him falling and failing.

But Shiro knows better than that. He knows himself, and he knows Keith. Which is why he scoots closer and raises a hand for Keith to grab, a tiny, sad smile on his mouth.«You are strong, Keith» he whispers, and Keith raises his head sniffing, his eyes bloodshot and wet.«I’m useless as of now» he stutters, and his hurt hands twitch on the ground.

«You’re not, you’re just human» Shiro replies, and then his smile becomes a little bit more honest, brighter. «Well, for about fifty percent human, I guess? It’s still an important percentage, don’t you think?»

Keith actually snorts at that, a chuckle coming past his trembling lips; but his eyes are still too wet, the shivering of his body too intense. «Yeah, it’s not like my Galra genes helped me that much, is it»he murmurs bitterly. Shiro moves yet closer and his fingers linger over Keith’s cheek, waiting for him to move away, to reject him again.

He does not.

Instead Keith rests his cheek against Shiro’s palm and sniffs, looking at him with wet eyes. « _You_ are strong, Shiro» he whispers, and Shiro gently grazes his cheekbone with the flat of his thumb, the other fingers deep in Keith’s messy hair. «I’m not strong» he replies, voice soft. «I’m just... accustomed. I went through it before, and I know what it feels like to be alone in this kind of... experience. I won’t let you go through this alone, Keith. It’s a promise.»

Keith looks at him and he looks exhausted, his eyes lost somewhere. But he is here, the nightmares have let him go for the night, and his breathing is slowly evening, and the trembling of his body is now a consequence of the cold and not of anger. Not of despair.

«What would I do if you weren’t here»he whispers, and Shiro smiles. «You’d be dealing with three worried Paladins and two worried Alteans that wouldn’t leave you alone» he says, and a tiny, tiny smile forms on Keith’s face.

Shiro caresses his cheek once more, feeling the soft and warm skin under the tips of his fingers. «Can I take you back to bed and nurse those cuts?» he asks, and after a second of indecision Keith nods.

Shiro is careful in his movements as he takes Keith between his arms and carries him back inside the bedroom. It is not easy, especially with the missing limb, but he does not talk. Keith is silent once again, face pressed against Shiro’s shoulders and his wounded hands hidden against his own chest.

Shiro puts him down on the bed and gently runs a hand through his messy hair, wincing a little. Keith needs a shower first thing in the morning, he decides.

«I’ll fetch a first-aid kit, I’ll be back soon» he says, and Keith quietly nods. «Be quick please» he murmurs. Shiro leans down and presses his lips against his forehead, the touch warm and lingering. «I’ll be right back» he breathes, and in a few steps he is gone.

Keith is left alone with his thoughts, the white noise in his head is louder than ever, the quiet buzzing of the lamp turning into the background of every single movement, every breath.

He feels panic close around his throat, its dark fingers digging into his skin and flesh, flashes of white and black in the back of his head.

In a second he is back on the hangar - _that damned hangar_ -,his back hits the metallic surface of _something_ and that _something_ falls onto him, and his leg is crushed, the bone breaks and there is blood, _he is fainting why is no one helping him where is everyone where where where - - -_

He can hear a voice muttering and muttering, saying « _Take it off, take it off_ now» and his leg is itching and hurting, and it is only when his vision clears and he sees Shiro’s worried face that he realizes that the voice he hears is his own, and there are new tears running down his face, wetting the hands that Shiro put on his face.

«It’s okay, it’s okay» Shiro whispers and caresses his cheek, feeling him tremble. Keith looks at him with deranged eyes and gulps. «What took you so long» he barks, and _the tears will not stop, he feels so weak, so irremediably weak_.

«I know, I know, I’m sorry» Shiro replies, even though he has been awake for maybe a total of five minutes, but Keith does not need that. Hesitantly he moves closer, holds Keith’s hip with one hand while the other rests against the hollow of his neck, and brushes his lips against Keith’s. His breathing is still erratic, still too fast,but it is slowing down, his heartbeat returning to his normal pace.

The silence is almost deafening and it _scares_ him.

Keith’s fingers tug at his hair, keeping him close, one more second, one more lifetime. Shiro kisses his mouth once more, then his cheek, his jaw. «Can I take care of your wounds?» he asks against his skin, and Keith nods slightly.

Shiro opens the first-aid kit and, Keith’s hand open in his lap, starts removing the tiny mirror pieces that dug into his skin with a pair of tweezers, Keith hissing and trying to pull away his hand, but failing because of Shiro’s grasp. «Stay still» he tells him, and Keith shrugs, his other hand digging into the mattress.

After he has removed all the glass shatters from both of Keith’s hands, Shiro takes a cloth and dampens in in the bathroom sink, cleaning off the blood from the ex-Paladin palms. Keith looks at him, then at the shattered mirror and at its remains on the floor, shining under the artificial light like tiny stars. «That’s seven years of misfortune» he mutters under his breath, and reclines his head with his face looking at the ceiling.

«What was that?» Shiro asks, wrapping his hands in clean bandages. Keith shakes his head, and when his hands are free he tugs them against his chest, in a protective gesture that Shiro had never seen coming from him.

Shiro looks at him and lowers the bandages, putting them back inside the box. «Are you hurt anywhere else?» he asks, and glances at Keith’s foot, at the blood-dirtied hem of his pants. Keith shifts and glances away, and reaches for the first-aid kit. «I can do it by myself» he mutters.

Shiro’s hands hold his wrists, his grip delicate but strong, decisive. «Keith,» he calls, and Keith does not look up. «Keith, baby, look at me please.»

Keith does look at him this time, and his eyes are full of emotions, twirling and shaking. Shiro taps his fingers against Keith’s thigh, and then leans up to press together their lips in a reassuring kiss. «It’s nothing I haven’t already seen baby, you know it» he whispers, and Keith sighs against his mouth, arms circling Shiro’s neck. The Black Paladin holds Keith’s hips in his hands and kisses him again, pressing their mouths together a little bit harder, tarrying a little bit longer. «Don't hide from me, Keith, you have no reason to» he mutters, and Keith holds him closer, pressing Shiro’s head against his neck. «It wasn’t supposed to happen» he starts, and Shiro hears his heartbeat speeding up again. «I’m a soldier, I know my way around with weapons and defeating enemies. But this... _this_ , is not... there's no glory in it, it’s shameful, it’s...»

«It’s something that should never happen to anyone» Shiro interrupts him, and moves away to hold Keith’s face between his hands.«There’s nothing shameful in being hurt, Keith. We’re at war. People is injured, people is _killed_.And I don’t even want to think about that possibility.»

Keith is silent, gazing right into his eyes, and Shiro sees the universe devoured by a black hole.«If you were to die, I wouldn’t be able to go on» he says, and Shiro’s grip tightens. «I’m not going to leave you behind» he whispers, and Keith’s smile is sad, bitter, because he has already been left behind twice; two times he has been robbed of Shiro’s presence, and two times he has taken him back. What are the chances of it happening a third time?

He does not give a voice to those thoughts; he keeps them inside his heart, safe and protected from the outside world, because to speak them out loud would make them more real, more tangible. «I love you» he whispers instead, voice thick and deep. Shiro kisses him on the mouth and it is warm, soft and comforting. Keith feels its warmth spread from his lips to the rest of his body, to his fingertips and to his toes, until his whole body is enveloped byShiro’s presence.

«I love you too,» he hears him whisper against his lips, and Keith squeezes his eyes shut. «I know you do» he whispers back.

Shiro kisses him once again and then helps him slip out of his bloodied clothes; the shirt is the first to go, then his pants. Shiro’s movements are always slow when he undresses Keith, a devotion and admiration in his gestures, in his eyes, that has Keith flush even though there is nothing sexual in what Shiro is doing, not this time. But it feels intimate- it _is_ intimate. With every piece of clothing, Keith gives up a little of his fears, of his worries and shames. And once Shiro looks up at him, pants rolled up into a ball in his hands, Keith is naked in more than a way, emotions displayed on his face and position.

Shiro smiles from his position on the floor, hands gently wrapping around Keith’s ankle and Keith sighs, feeling his body burning up. Then Shiro moves his gaze and checks if he is hurt, fingers travelling down the pale skin of his leg, he presses a kiss against his knee and take the tweezers back. Keith muffles a whine by biting his lower lip.

«The pain will go away» Shiro whispers while wrapping his foot in white bandages, and Keith looks at him. «It will take a while, but it’ll be more bearable, especially if you get a prosthetic. We won’t leave you alone. _I_ won’t leave you alone.»

And then he presses his lips on Keith’s ankle, then his knee, his thigh. Each kiss brings him a little closer, and each inch brings Keith closer to the edge.

                (If he does not move now, he feels like he will fall)

Shiro kisses close to his navel and Keith sinks his fingers in his hair, tips caressing the buzzed part just slightly, wraps his leg around his shoulders and tries to bring him closer, and closer, and closer. Shiro caresses his thigh and kisses his left one, just above the bandages, and Keith’s breath hitches.«You’re beautiful,» he hears him say, and his eyes become glassy, fingers running from Shiro’s hair to his cheek, leaning down to kiss him again and again, until he is our of breath and Shiro’s hands hold his hips, their chests touching and moving at the same rhythm.

«Hold me tight and don’t let me go tonight» Keith breathes against his mouth, and Shiro caresses his hair, pushing back the sweaty bangs from his face. «Tonight and always» he whispers against his jaw.

And he does hold him. He holds Keith until he is deep asleep, arms tucked against his chest and head resting on Shiro’s biceps. Shiro looks at the dark shadows under his eyes, and he looks honestly exhausted even in his sleep. Taunted by the demons Shiro knows well, the same demons who followed him in the dark corridor from his cell to the Arena, and whispered “Today is the day you are gonna die.”

And he had believed them, at a certain point. He had stopped trying to send the demons away, because they always found a way in. You cannot destroy something that is part of you, that lives deep under your skin and bones, that eats you from the inside. It is a never ending fight that you cannot win alone.

But alone, that Keith is not. And Shiro swears on his own heart that he will never be.

 

When morning comes, Shiro untangles himself from Keith’s grasp, caressing his hair when he whines for the sudden lack of warmth. Keith hums and turns on the other side, hands grasping the pillow under his head.

Shiro smiles and stretches, grabbing some clean clothes and walking to the bathroom; he glances at the dirty floor for just a few seconds, then he grabs a cloth and wets it, cleaning the dried blood splotches and throwing away the broken glass.

When he walks out, showered and shaved, Keith is still sleeping, his mouth slightly open and dishevelled hair falling over his eyes. Shiro gently moves them and leans to kiss him on the temple, before walking out to grab something to eat.

The kitchen is already crowded, Pidge and Lance spread across the table still with sleepy eyes, Hunk working his magic in the kitchen while Allura and Coran talk in a corner. She is wearing her formal dress, there is probably some kind of meeting. Shiro kind of feels sorry for detaching himself from the others, but then they see him and they all greet him cheerfully, making him feel better.

«Man, you’re still alive!»Lance exclaims, while Pidge just nods and rubs at her eyes, squinting. «We were starting to think that Keith had finally snapped and committed a homicide.»

«Keith would never kill Shiro, Lance» Pidge replies, taking off her glasses and cleaning them with the hem of her tee, and at Lance’s dramatic -and loud- «Why is that?!» she cringes. «One, Shiro’s not a half, no, even a tenth as annoying as you. Two, Keith _loves_ Shiro to death, and three, he doesn’t spend all of their time together bickering like kids as when he’s with you.»

«Is this some sort of offence?»

«No Lance, it’s facts.»

«Guys» Shiro calls, smiling fondly and their small bickering, and the two stop, looking at him with small pouts on their faces.

«Oh thank you Shiro, they’ve been at that since they woke up» Hunk says from behind the counter, turning around. «Which isn’t long by the way, but it’s still tiring.»

«Try pulling an all-nighter to decode the encrypted Galra files and then I’ll show you what’s tiring» Pidge mutters, and Hunk singsongs «I heard you!»

Shiro sighs and sits next to Lance, crossing his arms over the table. «I’m sorry for leaving you alone, guys» he says as Allura and Coran approach. «I feel like I’m being a terrible leader.»

To that Pidge’s features softens, and she shakes her head. «You’re not, Shiro» she reassures him, and Lance nods. «Pidge’s right» Allura intervenes, smiling at him. «The number of allies is increasing each minute we spend talking, and it is thanks to our hard work if all of this is happening. As long as Voltron is not strictly needed, we won’t have any problems.»

«But still...»

«No buts!» Lance stops him, his blue eyes shining of a dark light. «We’re good Shiro, really. What we’re doing now is not that different from before, really. Don’t fill your head with more worries than it can hold, okay buddy?»

«I’ll try» Shiro sighs. Hunk hums and sends him a glance, turning something in the closest thing to a pan they had found. «I... heard Keith screaming last night» he says in a quiet voice, and everybody else in the room freezes.

Shiro’s smile is bitter as he slowly nods, and Lance turns his head towards him. «How is he?» he asks, his voice thick.

Shiro sighs and his smile softens a little. «He’s still... dealing with it. Kolivan removed him from the Blades and Keith’s dealing with phantom pain.»

«Phantom pain? What is that?» Coran asks, and Allura inhales worried. «Is it something dangerous? Will he be fine?» she asks, and Shiro nods. «Phantom pain is something you usually experience when you lose a part of your body... like a limb, or a finger» he explains, and Allura pales, her eyes wide. «Even though you know that the limb is missing, you feel like it’s still there. It might pulse or itch or hurt. It’s really unpleasant.»

«I see...» The Princess brings her hands to her chest and looks down, pensive. Her long silver hair flutter when she turns to the others, her brows furrowed. «Is there a cure for this... phantom pain?» she asks then.

Shiro shrugs. «For me, the prosthetic helped. But it really depends on the person, I guess» he says scratching his head. «Anyway I think it's still too early for a prosthetic. He’s still healing, and forcing it would only make it worse.»

Everyone nods, and Coran proposes to start working on a prosthetic project. «Just so that it’s ready when he is» he says as explanation, and no one seems to be against it.

Hunk taps on Shiro’s shoulder, and when he turns towards him the Yellow Paladin grins. «I think I've got something that could make both Keith and you feel better» he says, and shoves a tray between the Black Paladin’s hands.

Shiro looks down and blink, his tired brain taking a little too long to process. When he does though, his eyes open wide and he looks at Hunk in disbelief, unable to find the voice to speak.

Hunk snickers and nods, placing his hands on his hips. «We went to the space mall yesterday, while you were with Keith» he explains, and the other Paladins and the Alteans grin at Shiro's face. «It’s all edible, don’t worry. These two acted as guinea pigs for me!» and Hunk ruffles Lance and Pidge’s hair, who squawk in discontentment.

Shiro blinks again and breathes through his nose, his eyes darting from the bowls on the tray to the Paladins. «Shouldn’t the cook try and see if it’s good, though?» he barely manages to murmur. Lance scoffs and Hunk raises an eyebrow with a smug expression on his face. «We don’t want the cook to die, do we?» he asks. Shiro shakes his head and finally sets his eyes on the food.

There is rice in the bowls. Like, not some rice-like green goo, but actual, white and earthian rice. He does not even remember the last time he ate something that was not goo or some alien _thing_ that he does not dare calling food, does not even remember the taste. And now there it is, right in front of his eyes. Just a spoon away from him.

«Uh-oh, I think he’s about to cry» Pidge whispers, and Hunk smiles. «We’ve bought more food at the mall, and there’s still some rice left. Just ask if you want more later.»

«And tell Keith to call every now and then!» Lance barks, pouting. «It’s okay if he doesn’t want us in his room, but just _tell us he’s_ alive, man! And if he tells you that he doesn't have a phone, kick him as hard as you can. We have goddamned holograms!»

Shiro hums. «Yeah, I will» he says, and then a big, blinding smile cuts his face as he looks at the others. «Thank you guys.»

The others all smile back at him, and Pidge coughs embarrassed. «Just go to Keith, he’s probably gonna wake up soon» she says, and Shiro knows that she is not wrong; which is why he leaves them, walking to his -and Keith’s. _Their_?- room with the tray between his hands.

When he closes the door with the heel of his foot, Keith hums and turns his head, blinking at the soft artificial light that turned on automatically when Shiro got in and raising an arm to his face. «What time is it?» he asks slowly, his voice still raspy and low for the sleep.

«Breakfast time» Shiro says, and Keith punctually groans, covering his eyes with the back of his hand. «I don’t want goo» he whines, and Shiro chuckles. «It’s not goo, it’s... no wait, I’m gonna ruin the surprise like this. Keep your eyes closed. Can you sit by yourself?»

«I can try,» and Keith slowly moves into a sitting position, wincing a little when he presses with his wounded hands on the mattress. «So what is it? Some kind of alien seafood or what?»

Shiro laughs and sits on the bed next to him, caressing his cheek and then the edges of his closed eyes. «Not really, no. But you’ll find out soon.»

Keith snorts and crosses his arms over his chest. «If I manage to eat before I get old, that is.»

«Yeah, yeah.»

Shiro’s smile does not disappear as he digs a spoon into a bowl and takes a nice part of the rice, and then taps said spoon against Keith’s mouth. «Black lion approaching the hangar, please open up.»

And maybe he had not thought those words enough because it sounded _really_ mischievous, but it made Keith’s face become bright red -and he does open his mouth after that. Shiro kisses him quickly, and before Keith can move forward and look for another kiss he is quick to push the spoon between his parted lips.

«Try to guess what it is»he tells him as Keith munches. Then the ex-Red Paladin gasps with his mouth still half full and opens his eyes wide, looking at Shiro in disbelief.«Rice» he says, munching some more and gulping, and his reaction is so cute, so pure, that it makes Shiro chuckle and lean forward to kiss Keith again, fingers brushing against his temples and cheekbones.«You gotta thank the others for this» he says, and Keith’s smile is bright and surprised and Shiro thinks he has never seen him look so _happy_.

Keith extends his arms and takes the rice bowl, eating like he has not touched food for months, making small sounds every now and then. «This is so good» he groans, his cheeks full. Shiro smiles and takes his bowl as well, but he eats slowly, wanting the moment to last.

The flavour is... nostalgic, rich. Shiro eats one spoonful after the other, saving the taste on his tongue as much as possible. For the first time after a long time, even before he is done eating he feels full. He had missed earthian food so much, spending day after day in the Galra prison, thinking that he would never get to taste it again, and then Voltron and the Castle of Lions and the coalition had happened.

He had hoped at first, of course. Had naively expected the war to end quickly, that he and the other Paladins were the missing piece, the key to everything. But the days had turned into weeks, and then into months, and before he knew it he was twenty-eight and Keith was turning twenty-one. Before he knew it he had lost faith in a return to Earth, but never had felt he closer to his planet yet still so far away.

«Shiro?»

The Black Paladin looks up and sees Keith’s worried face, with his hair still messy and a few grains of rice next to his mouth. He looks cute, he thinks, and tries to smile. «What is it?» he asks weakly, his voice trembling.

Keith raises a hand and caresses his cheek, wiping something wet with the pad of his thumb. «Why are you crying» he whispers and his forehead crinkles in worry.

«A-ah...» Shiro laughs and shakes his head, raising a hand to his face and hiding behind his fingers. «It’s nothing, something... must’ve got in my eye, _shit_ , I don't know what is going on all of a sudden...»

Keith sighs and moves the bowls aside -his is already empty, Shiro’s still half full-, raising his arms and tugging at Shiro to make him lie down on him. Shiro sniffs and hides his face against Keith’s chest, feeling like he is a small child again after his grandpa’s funeral. «I’m sorry» he says, and Keith starts caressing his hair. «I just... miss Earth I guess. It had been so long since...»

«No, I understand» Keith hides his mouth against Shiro’s forehead, his lips warm. «I think we all do, somehow. We all have something on Earth that we want back, be it family or a job or...»

His voice dies and Shiro raises his head, kissing him slowly on the mouth. Keith’s hand slides from his hair to his neck, the other against his cheek. The kiss is messy but sweet, their noses bumping and teeth clattering, hands looking for other hands and hearts beating together.

«Don’t think about sad things» Shiro whispers against Keith’s mouth, and the latter shakes his head. «I’m not» he says, and holds him closer a while longer.

Shiro caresses his chest and then his hip, drawing with the tip of his fingers on the pale skin, and he feels safe in Keith’s hold, safer than he ever did, safer than inside Black’s cockpit.«I love you so much» he murmurs, and Keith’s lips slide across his forehead. «I love you too, Takashi. I always will.»

Shiro smiles at his own name and closes his eyes for a few seconds, then sits up and Keith looks at him with curiosity. «I think it’s time for you to take a bath. You kinda stink» he says smiling, and Keith snorts and shakes his head. «Way to ruin the moment» he replies sarcastically, and Shiro’s laugh rumbles in his chest. «What if I come in with you? Will I be forgiven?»

«Maybe. I’m not sure yet.»

«We’ll see then.»

Keith sits on the bed on his own and it takes him a while to turn, concentration and pain reflecting in his eyes as he instinctively tries to move his missing leg. Shiro looks at him and at his every movement, but he does not try to help Keith, not without him asking. He knows him, and he knows he does not want people to pity him. So he waits, with the softest expression he can manage and eyes full of love.

And then Keith raises his head and looks at him, then looks away and fiddles with the sheets under his hands. «Will you help me, please?» he asks timidly, and he looks at the bandages that are now dark where the blood dried, then at the now clean bathroom floor.

Shiro’s smile grows bigger, and moves closer to pick him up. Keith’s arms wrap around his neck and a timid smile forms on the ex-Paladin’s face. Shiro kisses him and everything comes back into place.

 

Shiro walks out of Black’s cockpit and takes off his helmet, grunting at the buzzing of his head and at the few blood droplets that fall from a cut on his forehead. «Are you guys all okay?» he asks looking around as the other Paladins walk to him. They all look tired and a little sore, some a little more injured than others, and the noise Pidge’s bones make when she pops her back makes Shiro worry about the conditions of her body, but apart from that they all seem kind of fine.

The mission has been a success, but the battle had been long. With the help of the Blade of Marmora and the rebels, they had finally managed to free planet Lyxhia from the Galra. It had been almost three weeks, but it was finally over.

«Man, what I’d give to have a good steak right now» Lance murmurs as a young Lyxhian girl presses something that reminds Shiro of ice against his disjointed arm, and the Red Paladin winces at the pain.

 _«Friendly reminder that we have Kaltenecker on board, Lance»_ Keith’s voice comes sharp and clear through the speaker, and Shiro smiles by himself. Lance gasps dramatically and shakes his good hand, as if Keith could see him. «No! _Nonononono_ my girl is _not_ becoming food for your greedy stomach.»

 _«May I remind you that you’re the one who brought up steaks»_ is Keith's answer, and Lance pouts. «May I remind you that you’re and assh...»

« _Guys_ » Shiro intervenes before one of the two can start raising their voice, and both Lance and Keith mutter a half-hearted «Sorry», that has Pidge and Hunk snicker and Allura smile tiredly.

«Are we ready to go, Princess?» Shiro asks her, and the Blue Paladin nods.«I’ll contact Coran and tell him to come get us with the Castle» she says grabbing her helmet from where she had left it to untie her tight chignon. Then her smile grows bigger. «It was a great idea to have Keith help from the Castle. He helps us keep our mood high» she says quietly, and Shiro cannot disagree. It had been _his_ idea, after all. He did not want Keith to feel cut out of the war, not after seeing his devastated expression the first time he had been told that everyone would have left to fight. Everyone, except him and Coran.

«He’s doing a great job» he says, and Allura smiles. «Go and have that cut checked. It looks horrible» she says turning around, and Shiro is left alone with his thoughts.

The same Lyxhian girl that had been treating Lance a few minutes ago moves closer to him with a wet cloth in her bony hands, and the Black Paladin smiles at her. «Thank you, really» he says taking the cloth. The girl shakes her head and the luminescent antennae on her forehead bob slightly. «You saved us» she says in a high pitched voice, and runs away.

Shiro sighs and dabs the wet cloth against the cut on his forehead, cringing at the sharp pain. He can already feel the area swelling up, and he is sure that it is turning of a nice shade of purple and blue.

As soon as he puts down the cloth he feels roaring and the engines of the Castle of Lions approaching. Around him the Lyxhians yell and cheer, raising their tiny hands to the clear sky. The Castle lands a few dozens of meters away, and Shiro stands up smiling as he sees the gate opening.

Keith is the first to jump off, a bright smile on his face as he hops closer, balancing his weight with the crutches Pidge and Hunk had made for him. As soon as he is close enough he drops them on the ground -Shiro hears Pidge clearly reprimanding him for being so careless of other people’s work- and throws himself at Shiro, arms circling his neck and face buried against his temple.«Hey» he whispers, closing his eyes.

Shiro’s whole face lits up and his body relaxes from the tension of the battle, his head freed from worries and thoughts. He wraps his hands around Keith’s figure and holds him there’ caressing his hair with a hand. «Hey» he whispers back, and he feels Keith smile against his forehead. «It’s good to have you back.»

«It’s good to _be_ back. Right here by your side.»

Keith laughs and kisses him full on the lips, Shiro’s hands keeping him a little bit closer, wishing for the armour to be gone just to feel him against his body.

« _Gross_ », he hears Lance say sarcastically, and has to physically stop Keith from giving him the middle finger. But Keith is still grinning, and his eyes shine brighter than a supernova.«Ready for some Kaltenecker BBQ?» he asks, and Lance gasps. «You wouldn’t _dare_!» he exclaims, offended.

«Alright kids, round two is over» Shiro says in a warning tone. Lance sticks his tongue out and Keith gives him the finger while faking to scratch his eyebrow, and Shiro sighs. «Can Matt’s group take care of everything here?» he asks Allura, who nods. «Kolivan and some members of the Blades will be staying as well. Maybe I should, too...» she says, but she looks pale and just as tired as the others, holding her body in a slightly slouched pose.

Shiro briefly touches her arm and shakes his head. «You need to rest, Princess. You’ve been fighting with us all the time, I’m sure the Lyxhians will understand and wait until tomorrow to talk with you» he says gently.

«The Black Paladin is right, your Majesty» a short old Lyxhian -their king, Shiro recons- says, bowing his big head. «Please, rest as much as you need. We shall wait for you to be well again before the time to talk comes.»

Allura smiles and pure relief floods through her eyes, and Shiro does not have to imagine too hard to understand that she was truly hoping for it. «Thank you very much» she says lowering her head as well, and after exchanging a few words with some other Lyxhians she walks away, while Coran, Matt and Kolivan talk about their next move.

Shiro looks down at Keith and sees his distant expression, eyes fixed on Kolivan but not really seeing him. Shiro touches his arm and holds his hand, smiling when the ex-Paladin turns to face him. «Should we go too? I feel like I might pass out every second now» he says, and Keith’s face softens, his eyes shine a little more. «Yeah, right. Just let me get my crutches and I’m ready to go.»

Pidge huffs and walks to them, shoving the crutches into Keith’s chest and making him wheeze. «I swear that if you break them, I’m breaking _you_ » she threatens, walking away.

Shiro chuckles and leaves a hand on Keith’s hip as he fixes his grip on the crutches, pouting. «She’s not that wrong» he says, and Keith sighs. «I know, I know. That damn midget» he replies, but his voice is tender, void of heat.

Their walk to their room is silent, relaxing as they get used to each other’s presence again after days, weeks of being parted. When they finally walk through the door Shiro releases a sigh of relief, closing his eyes.

«Hey, don’t you fall asleep yet and take a chair» Keith tells him, and Shiro nods. «I’m not making any promises» he warns though, and Keith just rolls his eyes. «Yeah, yeah.»

Shiro snickers and grabs the desk’s chair, moving it close to the bed where Keith is sitting. Once he has sat as well, Keith starts removing his armour, placing all the parts on the floor. As soon as the upper part is completely removed Shiro sighs contently and stretches his back, feeling his bones pop.

«Wow» Keith murmurs, and Shiro sends him a glance. «I feel like I’m getting old» he whines, and Keith snorts. «I heard the same noise coming from Pidge not more than twenty minutes ago» he replies, and pats on his thigh. «C’mon now, old man: leg up» he says, and Shiro obeys.

Keith takes off the armour plates from his legs and helps him out of the undersuit. Finally freed of all that weight, Shiro falls face down on the bed, feeling the soreness and tiredness have their winover him.

Keith undresses as well and lies next to him, caressing his hair. «It’s getting long again» he whispers, and Shiro hums. «I’m gonna trim it a little tomorrow, alright?»

Another hum.

Then, a pause.

«When do you think I’ll be able to fight again?»

Shiro sighs and slowly raises an arm, cradling Keith against his chest. «You still have to get your prosthetic first» he murmurs and yawns, pressing his lips against Keith’s head.

The latter sighs and with the tips of his fingers he traces the scars on Shiro’s chest, following them as to memorize their shape and position, as if he had not already seen them hundreds of times.«It’s been more than two months... how come it’s taking so long? You didn’t wait that long.»

«’t was diff’rent» Shiro says, starting to dooze off. «You’re not a Gladiator... who knows what shit ‘hey did t’ me...»

Keith presses against his chest, not caring that he is sweaty and dirty and probably smells, and his fingers curl into a fist over his beating heart. «I’m tired of being left behind» he murmurs, and his voice trembles a little.

Shiro’s hand slides up to his hair and he kisses him, feeling Keith inhale deeply from his nose.«Soon, baby» he whispers, and Keith gives up, curling against him. And finally, Shiro sleeps.

 

He is woken up by warm lips on his neck, a gentle weight on his back pressing him against the mattress.Shiro hums and cracks an eye half open, right when Keith decides to kiss him on the mouth, taking away his breath and sleepiness, together with a piece of his heart that seems to grow bigger after eachkiss, each touch.

«Good morning, my love»Keith whispers against his mouth, and Shiro smiles, rolling onto his side. «This is what I call a good morning» he says, closing his eyes.

He hears Keith chuckle and shift on the bed, moving onto his lap, and then Keith’s warm breath hits his lips. «I know a way to make it even better» he replies with a small grin, he rolls his hips against Shiro’s and Shiro groans,holding his waist. «Ah, I knew falling in love with you was the right thing to do» he whispers, and Keith rolls his eyes. «Sap.»

Shiro lets out a breathy laugh and guides Keith’s body against his, fingers digging into his hips. «What time is it?» he asks as Keith leans down to kiss his forehead, then his cheek and lips. «Late» is the answer, and Keith tugs at his lower lip, making him groan. Shiro grins and runs a hand down Keith’s spine, feeling himtrembling under his fingertips. «Then maybe we shoul-ah, should get down to eat.»

«It’s not _that_ late.»

Keith rocks his hips harder and grins, holding Shiro’s chin between his fingers. «I know _exactly_ what you can eat though» he says, and Shiro moans against his neck and moves away, holding Keith’s face between his hands. «The things you say, Keith... you weren’t like this back then at the Garrison» he says.

«Now it’s not _back then_ » Keith replies, and presses their foreheads together. «Plus, I haven’t seen you in three weeks. I missed you, y’know.»

«I better take care of you, then.»

Shiro holds Keith’s hips and rolls over, pressing him against the mattress and kissing him. Keith hums against his mouth and their fingers intertwine above his head, their bodies moving close, closer, _closer_. Shiro’s mouth slides from Keith’s lips to his neck and kisses him there, hearing him gasp and shift, his grip on his hands growing stronger.

And a kiss is pressed against the hollow of his throat, his collarbones -a kiss for each-, and then Shiro is kissing right above his heart and Keith trembles and arches his back, his eyes half closed and gaze lost.

Shiro kisses above his heart again, and then kisses each rib, counting them with his lips, he worships every small mole and scar, every bruise. He covers Keith’s entire chest in constellations that have the contact of lips and skin marking the position of the stars, with the core of the whole galaxy corresponding to his heart, and when Shiro looks up and sees the burning of a Supernova in Keith’s eyes, purple so deep that it resembles the Universe, he thinks that no comparison could be more accurate than that, not when he thinks about that night back at the Garrison, when he had found Keith standing on the rooftop with his eyes closed and facing the dark sky and he had thought that he _belonged_ there. Not when he thinks about the time in a far away planet, when they had seen the sky turn purple and indigo during a meteor shower and Keith had looked breathtakingly beautiful. Not when every time Shiro imagines the cold of a black hole he sees it in the shapeof Keith crushed under a machine five times bigger than him, his face white and suffering.

Fingers touch his cheek and when Shiro looks down he sees Keith’s face; not white, not in pain, but still able to make his heart jump. «What are you thinking about?» Keith whispers, caressing his face. Shiro smiles at him and holds his hand, bringing it to his lips. «I’m just thinking about how lucky I am to have you» he says, and Keith’s chestjolts under Shiro’s other hand, his purple eyes wide and surprised and so, so beautiful.

Shiro kisses his fingers one by one, then his knuckles, and his palm. «I’m thinking that I love you so much that sometimes it leaves me breathless and it hurts» he says, and leans down to kiss Keith’s chest once again, the ex-Paladin bringing his hand to his hair and pushing his white locks back, wanting to see more of him, wanting to touch, to taste, to worship him the way Shiro is worshipping him.

Shiro kisses his navel and feels Keith’s muscles tense up and shiver, and presses the flat of his hand against his stomach, while his other hand curls its fingers around the hem of Keith’s boxers.«I’m thinking about that night when we sat together to stargaze, even though you said you wanted to be alone with your thoughts, and how I wanted to kiss you and hold you ‘till sunrise.»

It is slowly that he removes Keith’s boxers, and he raises his head to watch him in his rawest form of beauty, with his hair still dishevelled and cheeks burning, his lips parted and eyes _so dark_ as he looks back at him with utter adoration.

Keith gulps and spreads his thighs a little wider, his hands clutching nervously the bed sheets under his palms.«You did kiss me that time» he says hesitantly. «It was the first time you did. You kissed me all night long.»

Shiro smiles and looks at him as if he were the most beautiful person in the whole universe -and in his eyes, he is.- Then Shiro holds his leg in one hand and kissed his knee, then his thigh and Keith shivers as he sees him lie down to kiss his other thigh and hipbone, eyes burning and making love to him as he moves down. «And I’d do it all over again, just to get us here and be free to tell you that I’d let the universe burn down into pieces if it meant to love you a second more.»

«Taka--»

Warmth envelops him, and Keith arches his back and sees white, sees the birth of new worlds and the stars exploding; sees the meteor shower and Shiro’s eyes on him, sees everything and then he sees nothing.

In the darkness of the room he grips Shiro’s hand and never lets go of it.

 

«Is it going to take much longer?»

« _Calm down_ Keith, we’re almost done.»

«It’s unnerving. I want to stand up.»

«We _know_ you idiot! Just calm down for a sec, will you?»

Keith huffs and looks up at Shiro, standing on the other side of the room with Lance and Allura, while Pidge, Hunk and Coran surround the ex-Paladin and work on his prosthetic. Keith looks sincerely annoyed by all that attention and when Pidge pinches his cheek he shoves away her hand.

He feels observed, Shiro knows that.Keith does not like having everyone’s attention on him, and yet here he is, with six pair of eyes on him as three different pair of hands fiddle with the new prosthetic, fixing values and the connections to the central nervous system.

Keith glances at him with an exasperated look in his eyes and Shiro smiles, mouthing a «Hang on a little longer.» Keith sighs and lowers his head, lightly kicking Pidge’s side until she grabs his ankle, sending him a dirty glance.«I swear to God, Keith, I’m this close to rip everything off and I’m not doing this shit again.»

«I’m just tired!» Keith exclaims, and hisprosthetic leg jolts when Hunk connects the wrong wires. «Whoops, sorry» he mutters.

«Seriously though, what’s taking so long?» Lance mutters, sitting on his heels next to Shiro. The Black Paladin looks down at him and sighs, glancing back at Keith, who brought his human leg to his chest, foot tapping nervously against the bed.

«Pidge» Shiro calls, and the Green Paladin turns her head to him. «What's left to do?»

«Just checking some values and codes and then we should be done» she says, and fixes the glasses on her nose. «Actually, just the values. Then it should be working just fine, the connections to the CNS are okay and he doesn’t seem to feel pain.» Pidge shoots Keith a dirty glance and clicks her tongue, tapping on his thigh. «Unless of course this little ass is faking it. Are you in any pain, _Keef_? You can cry if you want and no one will judge you.»

«I’ll make _you_ cry, Pidgeon»Keith rumbles, and Shiro smiles. «Could you leave us alone for a minute?» he asks, moving away from the wall. Six pair of eyes move on him -a pair suspicious, four pairs surprised and a pair, _the_ pair he cares the most for, looking absolutely relieved- and Shiro puts a hand on Pidge’s shoulder, grinning. «I just need to talk with Keith for a sec, then he's all yours.»

«But we’re almost done!» Pidge whines, at the same time when Keith murmurs a «Thank God», and Shiro grips her shoulder stronger. «Two minutes? You can set a timer if you want» he tells her, and mentally notes to thank Hunk later for physically dragging away Pidge and closing the door to give them some privacy.

Shiro hears a sigh and arms wrap around his neck, Keith murmuring _Thankyouthankyouthankyou_ ’s against his cheek, and the Black Paladin smiles, gripping Keith’s hip with a hand and running the other through his hair. «You’re doing so well, baby» he murmurs kissing his forehead, and Keith sighs again. «I shouldn’t have yelled at Pidge earlier» he says, leaning into Shiro’s touch and closing his eyes. «It’s just that they’re taking _so long_ and it's exhausting. I saw Hunk type the same code in the exact samewindow _four times_ and it’s all so...»

«I know it’s stressing you out, baby. Just keep it up for a few more minutes and then it’ll be all over.»

Shiro takes Keith’s face between his hands and kisses him softly on the lips, Keith’s hands resting on his hips. When he moves away, he sees the tempest in his eyes and in the trembling of his lower lip. «I really want to walk again»the ex-Paladin whispers, and his fingers clutch the fabric of Shiro’s shirt harder.

Shiro smiles and nuzzles his nose against Keith’s, kissing his mouth once more. «You will soon. I’ll be right here for you» he says, and Keith this time smiles.

The Black Paladin caresses his nape, then his neck and cheek. «Let’s go get the others, shall we» he says, and Keith nods slightly after a short instant of hesitation.

Shiro kisses his forehead and walks to the door, opening it and being greeted with the sight of the other Paladins and Coran standing a feet apart, Pidge with a raised eyebrow and an actual virtual _timer_ levitating over her wrist. «You had ten more seconds» she proclaims, and Shiro chuckles. «I told you it wouldn’t take that long» he says, and the Green Paladin rolls her eyes as she walks inside. «Whatever. Is the whiny baby ready to go now?»

Keith smiles sheepishly and grips the mattress harder between his fingers, so hard that it actually groans and crackles. «Sorry for before, Pidgey» he murmurs, and Pidge’s gaze softens, a tiny smile forming on her lips. She raises a hand and gently pokes at Keith's head, ruffling his hair. «Let’s get you on your own feet, mh?» she says, and with a wave of her head she calls Hunk and Coran back, all three of them hunched over the small laptop screen on Pidge’s lap.

«Careful Pidge, you missed a number there» Hunk mutters and points at the screen, and Pidge whispers a quick «Right, thank you» and taps on the keyboard with her fast fingers.

Keith looks down from his seat and sees the dark shadows under Pidge and Hunk’s eyes, the tired lines around her mouth and the wrinkles on his and Coran’s forehead. They all look so exhausted, and he knows that they stayed up until late the night before just to finish everything, just so that he could walk again.

He feels like shit, and lowers his head. «If this actually works, guys,» he says, and their eyes flicker on him. «I’m buying nunville and hotdogs for everyone.»

Coran makes a satisfied sound while Hunk and Pidge snicker, and she digits a few, last codes in. «Get your wallet ready then, ‘cuz this ain’t failing.»

As she closes her laptop, Hunk removes the plugs connected to Keith’s prosthetic, and the dark purple lights highlighting all the way from his thigh down to his ankle flicker for a second and then go steady, just a soft glow against the black metal.

Keith looks at it and seems to be actually holding his breath, even though his chest rises and falls quickly, his hands holding onto the bed tightly and eyes big. Pidge smiles and touches his arm. «Try to move it» she says, and Keith looks at her, then at his prosthetic, then back at her again.

«Focus» Shiro whispers, and the ex-Paladin glances at him with his wide, purple eyes, his lips quivering for a second. When he looks down at his legs _-his leg_ s- he concentrates on his prosthetic, reminisces the old sensation of his phantom limb and back to his leg made of flesh and bone, and holds that sensation close to his heart. The purple lights flicker again and his leg jolts up, a small surprised _eep!_ leaving his mouth.

«That’s good,» Pidge whispers, and her eyes shine bright. «That’s so good! Try moving your foot! Can you bend your knee? What about your toes? How are sensations? Is it cold, or warm, or does it hurt? What about the synaptic connections--»

«One question at a time, Pidgey» Keith interrupts her, and his voice wavers, thick with emotions, but he still follows all the orders, he moves and bends and he looks elated, totally captured by something so simple, something so _normal_ , but that had been weighting him down for the past months. To Shiro, it is almost unbearable. He is shining so much, he is so beautiful, that he does not know how much more he can take.

«You’re doing so good» he says, and Keith looks at him, his eyes on fire. «Can I walk?» he half-chokes, and Shiro smiles. «Yes. Yes you can» he answers, and hopes that his voice did not break as much as he thinks.

«I’ll help him!» Lance proposes and runs forward, eyeing Keith carefully as he stands up, hands still refusing to leave the bed. Keith glances at him and smiles briefly, holdinghis breath. «My crutches» he says, gesturing at them with his chin, and Lance quickly grabs them. «Here.»

«Okay...»

Keith breathes deeply and holds the handgrips until his knuckles turn white. He moves his hips away from the bed and stays on his feet for a few minutes, getting used again to the sensation. Then, when he moves the first step, everyone stops breathing and looks at him, Lance standing by Keith’s side with his hands ready to catch him should he fall.

Keith moves his new foot first, raising it from the ground slowly and putting it down a few inches forward, eyes fixed to the floor. He is still a little wobbly, his body trembling and his feet slips a little, but he does not fall; Lance places a hand on his chest and the other on his back and helps him straighten up, while Shiro has to physically stop himself from running to him.

«Keith.»

The ex-Paladin raises his head as his name is called, and Shiro smiles at him extending an arm out. «I know you can do it» he says softly. «We all know you can.»

Keith’s lip quivers again and he slowly nods, lightly shaking Lance’s hands off him. «I got this» he mutters, and moves another step; then another, and another, every step a little bit bigger, a little bit more determined.

By the time he reaches Shiro’s hand he has let one of his crouches fall to the ground, and he holds onto that hand like a castaway would do with a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean.

Shiro holds his other hand when the crutch slips from his numbfingers and holds him close to his chest, breath filling his lungs again as he runs his hand up and down Keith’s back, stopping at his nape. Keith’s hand are curled between their bodies, still and weak; he has not started breathing yet, too overwhelmed, feeling just _too much_.

«Keith,» Shiro calls him, caressing his hair, and finally Keith sobs quietly, arms sneaking up and wrapping around his neck, his wet face pressed against the crook of his neck.

The room explodes with yells and laughs and cries, as realization hits them one by one. Pidge is the first to move and throws herself at Shiro and Keith, hugging the latter’s middle and pressing her face against his back, and soon the others follow, creating the weirdest human-alien sandwich in history. They cry together and when Keith starts laughing between the sobs they laugh together, they ruffle his hair and hold him just a little bit closer because he _did it_ , _he did it_ and they knew he would.

Shiro holds him until it is Keith the one to move away from the hug, and when he does he stands on his still a little tottery legs, with his eyes shining brighter than ten thousand stars and smile so big that it hurts.

After five months since the accident, Keith stands again. And this time, he will not fall.

 

Shiro makes love to him all night, after that long, incredible day. Keith’s eyes never stop shining, the smile on his face is big and soft, only broken when the Black Paladin takes him and kisses him on the mouth, cupping his cheeks as if he were something incredibly precious, a treasure to safeguard.

«You’re so beautiful», he whispers as Keith presses his heelsagainst Shiro’s lower back, his own back arching and their chests touching at the laboured rhythm of their breath. Keith looks down at Shiro with watery and half-lidded eyes, sinks his fingers through his sweaty hair and breathes against his mouth, moving slowly above and against him. «I love you... so much» he chokes in a tiny, tiny voice as he curls against him.

Shiro kisses him on the mouth long and deep, taking away what little breath he had managed to get, and Keith whimpers and shivers. «I love you so much» he says again and tears run down his cheeks, wetting his hair and the pillow when Shiro lies him down on the bed.

«I love you more» he replies as he props Keith’s legs on his shoulder, he kisses both knees and thighs, feeling flesh and warming metal under his lips, and Keith trembles looking at him as if looking at a God, worshipping him. «Do not» he manages to say as Shiro moves inside him, a soft moan leaving his lips.

Shiro smiles and leans forward, pressing their foreheads together. «Do too» he says, and Keith wraps his arms around his neck, breath ghosting hot and heavy between their lips. «D-do not» he replies stubbornly, and his back arches against the sheets when Shiro thrusts deeper, and deeper inside of him, taking away his breath.

«Do too,» Shiro kisses the corner of his mouth and Keith's eyes open, unfocused and blown pupils with the purple of his irises just a thin ring around them. Shiro reaches up with a hand and brushes his sweaty hair from his forehead, smiling. «I love you and I'm so proud of you.»

More tears form in Keith’s eyes and he tries to hide them with his hands, but Shiro is faster; he pins his wrist above his head and kisses him again, and again, until the tears are forgotten and the only thing Keith is able to pronounce is his name, _Takashi, Takashi, Takashi_ , until he is too breathless to even think. When the Black Paladin reaches between them, where Keith is warmer and more sensitive, when he starts stroking him whispering gentle nothings against his neck, that is when Keith breaks.

The little bubble that protected him explodes and Keith falls apart in small fragments of cosmic dust. With a kiss, Shiro brings him back together.

And it is silent again.

 

They try to keep him away from the battlefield for a while, they really do. No matter if it is the training deck or an _actual_ battlefield, each time they have to fight Keith finds his way out. The first time, they found him on the floor of the training deck, surrounded by weapons and with the virtual remains of five Gladiators, his prosthetic buzzing erratically and jolting every so slightly and a pained expression on his face. Pidge had kicked his ass _hard_ , yelling that a week with _her_ leg wasnot enough to go back into training routine like it was nothing, and Keith had whined.

The second time, it was on a Galra ship. As they found out later, Keith had stolen a suit from a rebel and  flown behind the Lions, trying to be as undercover as possible. Which, considering it is _Keith_ we are talking about, was not that effective.

Shiro wonders if this is how taking care of a child feels like, because he sure does.

«You could have died out there, you know that?» he says as soon as he walks out of Black's cockpit, watching as Keith strolls out of the stolen ship’s with a frown on his face. «How surprising is that» Keith murmurs and tries to walk away, but Shiro grabs him by the arm. «We’re not done here, Keith.»

«Yes, we fucking are» he replies, and shrugs his hand off him bumping into Lance and Hunk as he walks away. Useless is the cry of Pidge’s «Keith!»; It goes unheard.

«You need to talk to him,» Allura says, worriedly looking at the door Keith walked through. «This was only one time, but if we don’t stop him...»

Shiro sighs tiredly and brings a hand to his face. «Later, now it’s better to... let him cool off a bit. Go rest everyone, if you’re injured go into a healing pod. We can’t allow any weakness.»

There is a chorus of _Yessir!_ and feet scurrying off, and he is left alone with the Lions. Shiro slowly walks to Black and sends a glance at Red, remembering when they were all young and inexperienced. With a sigh he leans against his Lion’s leg, looking up at her. «Am I doing the right thing» he whispers, but no-one answers.

When he goes back to his room, almost an hour later, Keith is sitting on their bed cleaning his knife, his brows still furrowed and lips curled in a pout. He taps a foot on the ground and when he looks at Shiro there is the slightest glint of irritation in his eyes. «I’m not someone in need of being babysat, I hope you know that» he says lowering his knife.

«I know,» Shiro closes the door behind him and walks closer, sitting on the floor next to Keith’s leg and caressing his calf with the tip of his fingers.«I’m sorry for earlier. Shouldn’t have shouted like that.»

Keith looks at him for a few seconds, silent and still angry, but then he sighs and sinks a hand in Shiro’s hair, fingers curling. «I’m sorry too. That was stupid and I... Shit, I yelled at _you_. I feel so dumb.»

«Don’t be. It’s okay, really.»

Shiro nuzzles his nose against Keith’s palm and breathes, closing his eyes. Lets Keith caress his face and hair, a tired look on his face and he remembers that even though years have passed, even though he is not eighteen anymore, he is still young. Too young for what he went through.

They are all too young and so, so exhausted.

«It’s just...» Keith starts, and his voice breaks a little, and when he looks away he seems much older than his almost twenty-two years, his eyes a winter sky, cold and terrible. «You keep leaving me behind. You promised you wouldn’t but you do it anyway.»

And yes, Shiro realizes he has. Understands Keith’s gazes a little bit better, the stiffness of his body every time the Paladins get back from a mission, his half smiles.

It was different from before, when he had no chance of fighting again, not without a leg, not with his body crumbling and hurting. Now he has that chance again, and Shiro is keeping him away.

«I’m sorry for doing this» he whispers, and moves to press his face against Keith’s tummy, hugging him. «I know it’s wrong and selfish, but you in a battlefield... I keep thinking about _that_ day, at your pain, and then I just see in my head that time you almost passed out in the training deck and Pidge had to work so much on your leg because you went too hard on yourself and I just...»

Keith’s arms wrap around his head and hold him close, his breath hitting Shiro’s neck when he crumples around him like a dead leaf.«I’m not weak» he says caressing his nape, and Shiro’s grip on his waist tightens. «I know you’re not. But you can’t ask me to throw you in the middle of a battle- in the middle of a _war_ when every time I see you, it looks like you’re trying to destroy yourself.»

Keith hums and they do not talk for a while, just their breaths and the soft buzzing of Keith's prosthetic, telling Shiro that it is okay, it is working fine and that _Keith_ is fine, and he knows he is.

«Train with me then,» Keith says and straightens his back, so that Shiro can look directly at his face. «Train with me and value for yourself. You always managed to overpower me when we sparred, didn’t you? Then let’s spar together again and see if I’m good to fight. Trust me again, Shiro.»

Shiro blinks and raises his hands, cupping Keith’s face, he brings him closer until their breaths mingle. «I do trust you» he whispers, and Keith’s eyes are like purple daggers cutting right through his head. «Trust me _more_ , then.»

Peace does not work around trust,least of all does war. The world- the universe revolves around laws, and reactions, and numbers, and causes and effects. You take away a ring and the chain breaks, and without that single piece it will never work the right way again. It gets shorter, its use changes. It may never be used again.

Shiro never believed in a God. Heaven, Hell, the Nirvana, never made much sense to him.Ever since he was a kid, ever since he saw the starry sky and thought _That’s where I want to be when I grow up_ , he had only trusted science. Nothing is created and nothing is destroyed, worlds are born, worlds are gone. _People_ are gone, legends and cultures are gone. We are nothing but dust in the infinity of existence.

At the origin of everything there is dust, and energy. The rest is just cause-and-effect relationship.

Had Shiro never looked at the sky that night, he would have never wanted to go to the Garrison. Had he never gone to the Garrison, he would have never met Keith. Had he never accepted the Kerberos mission, he would have never been abducted by the aliens. And so on.

Many things would have gone differently, had he not looked at the sky. Many other things would have gone differently in way too many occasions, and maybe the Chaos Theory and the Butterfly effect are not that difficult to understand now. Shit happens because it can and will, and Shiro cannot stop that from happening. He cannot trust that.

But Keith? Him, he can trust him.

«Okay,» he whispers, and he feels like breathing again. «Okay.»

Keith presses their mouths together, blocking every negative thought out. Shiro grabs his face and looks at him, and Keith’s eyes have the power and depth of ten universes. When they kiss again, it has the taste of new stars being born.

Maybe Keith will not be able to fight anytime soon, he thinks in the back of his head. Maybe he will pin Shiro down first thing in the morning and declare his win, and then go missing in a far away galaxy and never come back. Maybe they will go back to Earth and everything will be gone, or forgotten.

Shiro thinks of ten thousand years passing, of different realities and destroyed worlds, thinks about the purple supernovas in Keith’s eyes and the warmth of his skin and his taste under his lips, and thinks that it is worth it.

And they will make it until the next day, until it is worth breathing and loving.

 _But one step at a time_.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it!  
> Yell with me on [Twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/petitkeef) and [Tumblr](https://petitkeef.tumblr.com)!! ^^


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